I Thought I was Alone, but I Was Learning to be Independent

My full name is Debba Raine. I’m originally from Afghanistan. I’m from Logar province. But I grew up in Kabul, and completed high school there. Now I’m majoring in computer science and software engineering. Today was my last day of final exams for the semester.

I miss my hometown. I really miss it. One of the things I love about my country is the weather. I really love the weather there. And the people are so kind and very interactive.

I came to Western Kentucky University (WKU) by myself. I was 24.

We are a family of five people. My mom, dad and my two brothers. My mom and dad and one brother are living in Canada. My other brother remains in Afghanistan. He lost his job after the country’s fall. My other brother is supporting him in Afghanistan and also supporting my mom and dad in Canada.

I was a student at the American University of Afghanistan. That’s how I was evacuated - through the school. First, we went to Kyrgyzstan, the American University of Central Asia, because they had talked to our university. They provided us a visa and we went there as students and then our case started for processing. We had to go to a third country before we could go to the US.

When I was evacuated I was with some friends, but then we separated because the apartment was too small and we didn’t fit. So I got another apartment with some other Afghan girls, but it was very depressing for me.

I went through those stages. But now I think about it differently.

It’s not loneliness. It’s being independent. And I am happy about it because it makes me strong. I had more time for myself. And during that time I was able to study and find myself. I was able to spot my weaknesses and strengths. So, yes, it was something very depressing for me. Two years ago I would have said I was miserable, but now I would say that I was independent.

When I arrived here it was like 10 p.m. I came straight to campus and I spent my first night in the US in the dorm and was greeted by a couple people from the international office and one the people from Refuge Bowling Green. The first night I was alone on the entire floor and then the next day the students started coming.

Right now, I’m very concentrated on my career, my future. How do I survive and how do I build a future for myself in the US, coming from another country? A country where all the girls are locked in their homes. When I was there, girls had freedom, but not that much. So coming from that country, from that background to an independent country where you have to work yourself, do your grocery shopping yourself, earn money yourself, learn to drive, and buy a car, was different. I’m very focused on this. However, I do miss my family. I haven’t seen them since I came because they don’t have passports and I don’t have a green card. My mom misses me a lot. But I’m mostly focused on figuring this stuff out because I know we’re going to visit or maybe live together one day.

In my experience there is more support in the US than in Kyrgyzstan. In Kyrgyzstan we had our stipend and religious support, but in the US I had my mentor and she helped me navigate getting a SIM card for myself, getting a bank account, driving me to Walmart, and inviting me to parties with other international students.

She helped me in regards to everything. One of the things that I like in the US is that it’s about human to human services, being supportive to people.

I’m going to have to move out for the summer, because during the summer, all the students move out of the residence hall. And even though she’s not my mentor, that was only for my first semester, she said that she’d help me. I think now it’s friendship because now she’s not my mentor, but she’s my friend.

I don’t have transportation and Bowling Green is a small city with no transportation so I haven’t been able to connect with the rest of the Afghan community or get a job off campus. It is more complicated for us, but I got an appointment to take my driving permit test soon.

I want to become a software engineer. But my first priority after I graduate and have my own job is to be involved working with refugees. I left my country, but I look back and there are millions of people remaining there. I think the few people that can make it here are responsible to do something to give back to them. We are all responsible for our own country. The US has evacuated us and they also have expectations from us. When I was at the American University of Afghanistan, I had a full scholarship and the representatives of the scholarship told us that we had this scholarship and there are so many people out there that don’t. So in return they asked us to do something for the others. This is something that has been on my mind since 2019. It’s an obvious fact that we cannot evacuate all 40 Million of Afghanis into the US, but we can do something to impact their life positively. One thing could impact the lives of thousands of people there. I have this in my mind, and I’m willing to work for that too.

They should never victimize themselves but should be resilient and strong. It is like being independent. You have to learn to be independent.

We are all humans. We need someone to rely on. We can’t do all things by ourselves. But, I believe God will send help for us. So, Afghan girls should focus on being strong and independent. In times of loneliness, be strong. These days will pass. Instead of saying it shouldn’t be like this we have to change it into something strong.